Things to never say to a woman experiencing infertility

After TTC #1 for 12 months now I’ve heard a few AWFUL things from friends/family that know we’re TTC. I’m quite sure they mean well, they just don’t know what to say….and instead of saying nothing they end up saying too much. If I had it to do all over again I wouldn’t have told people we were even TTC at all. Being constantly asked about what’s going on is helpful some days, and excruciating other days. Going through this has taught me so much, and you honestly have NO idea how you would act/react until you’ve been put in a similar situation. Here are a few of the awful things I’ve heard:

infertility someecard3

  • Just relax, it will happen when it’s supposed to happen.
    We’ve tried that, thanks…..when there are medical factors inhibiting you from conceiving it’s just not that easy.
  • I understand. It took us 5 months to get pregnant.
    Taking 5 months to conceive and being diagnosed with infertility are COMPLETELY different situations. I know you may be trying to be helpful, but its best not to play the comparing game. Thanks!
  • You’re so young, you’ve got plenty of time.
    Yes, I am glad we started trying when I was 26 instead of 36, but when you’re “ready” you’re ready and age doesn’t matter.
  • Everything happens for a reason.
    Really??? So you’re saying there’s a reason we don’t have children  yet?!? Suggesting our infertility is part of “the grand plan” is NOT helping!
  • Why don’t you adopt?
    It’s not that we’re against adoption, we’re just not ready to give up the dream of having a biological child…..not to mention the cost, approximately $20,000-$30,000 to adopt an infant.
  • You haven’t been trying that long.
    12 months might not be long compared to the length of time some women try….but it’s a damn long time for us!
  • Why don’t you try IVF?
    Thanks for your wonderful suggestion, did you know our insurance won’t cover that, each round is $11,000, and it would only give us a 40% chance of conception? If you’re willing to pick up the tab we’d be willing to gamble with your money.
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5 thoughts on “Things to never say to a woman experiencing infertility

  1. I am agreeing with every word of this. Sometimes in my head I imagine I am screaming & swearing at these “helpful” people. “relax, take a holiday” is my favourite! oh yeh our sperm motility will really improve if we relax & get his balls really hot! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

    hahahaha

    • LOL, the “take a holiday” is also one of my favorites. As if we have “extra money” laying around for that while we save for the hundreds-thousands of dollars in treatments we’ll need.

  2. Yes! To all of these! Especially the “everything happens for a reason.” I want to have these infertility advice no-no’s printed onto little business cards and hand them out to everyone I encounter. Great post.

  3. YES! Oh my GOSH! I just wanna slap some people on the FACE when I hear their “encouraging words”. Encouraging, my a$$! Just shut the heck up if you don’t KNOW what it feels like. And you DON’T know what it feels like if you’ve never had to have things checked out at a fertility dr. to see if there was a reason you aren’t getting pregnant. “It will happen when it’s the right time.” That’s my all-time favorite line if you REALLY wanna make me mad quick. Really? When it’s the right time huh? So, EVERYONE gets pregnant when “it’s the right time?” Because I DO know a LOT of women who have NEVER gotten pregnant – and it’s too late now! So shut up. It DOESN’T happen “when it’s the right time” for everyone. Ok. I’m gonna stop now. I have 14 years of pent-up “trying to get pregnant” frustrations. haha

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