What Infertile Women Want Women with Children to Know

I read a really good blog post today, and wanted to share some highlights. The article focused on things infertile women want the mom’s in their life to know.

It is something that, were I not walking through it myself, I would not understand at all. I would not understand the emotional, physical, and spiritual trials that come along with fertility treatments. I would not understand the strain it can put on marriages, friendships, and all other relationships. I would not understand the feelings of isolation, or the constant emotional roller coaster ~With Great Expectation

1. We are jealous of you. The feeling is not constant, but it is always underlying, and often prevalent. I hate to admit it, but it’s true.

5. We are always hurting…even on happy days. The hurt is there. It may seem silly to you if it’s not something you’ve experienced, but the hurt is real.

7. Cards, quick emails, text messages, or phone calls are always appreciated. Because as I said before, we are lonely and hurting. A quick reminder that someone is thinking of us can do our heart so much good!

10. Please know that we cannot, in any way, empathize with you when you complain about pregnancy, your children, or motherhood. Because as I mentioned before, we are jealous. We wish we had the very issues you are complaining about. We pray for them, long for them, and dream about them. We cry over them and fight for them. Hearing someone complain about morning sickness, lack of sleep, or grumpy children makes us a little sick on the inside. We do not mind listening, but each time we hear you, we make another vow to ourselves and to God that if we ever get pregnant, we will not complain. No matter what. So just know that we do care about how you are feeling, but we do not understand it one bit. And we wish we felt and experienced the very things you are griping about.

You can read the full blog post here.


14 thoughts on “What Infertile Women Want Women with Children to Know

  1. This is so, so true. I actually wrote a few similar things a while back as well – sort of advice for those who want to try and support an IFer in their life. To be honest, I never got the whole biological clock thing at all – mine was pretty much on snooze for a long, long time. But there’s nothing like someone telling you in no uncertain terms that you may not be able to have biological children with the man you love to make you feel every awful, horrific emotion in the book. What I hate most about women who never struggled with IF isn’t just the lack of understanding – that part, well, like you said yourself, we probably wouldn’t “get” it if we weren’t forced to endure it ourselves. What I hate, I mean HATE with a vengeance, is when someone complains not just about having yet another mouth to feed but that it was unplanned or an accident. That makes me SO angry. I mean, I don’t know if some of these people are too stupid or ignorant to use birth control, or if they’re so uber-fertile that it fails – but I’m always tempted to say, oh np, just let me know when you go into labor, I’ll be MORE than happy to take your “accident” home with me. GRRRR!

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