IUI #2 didn’t work. I tried so hard not to get my hopes up this cycle, but that didn’t work out too well. I had my crying breakdown this morning after another BFN at 13dpiui. We’re visiting my sister and her family this weekend and was really hoping to be able to share some good news with them. I slept with my four year old nephew Colin last night. He’s such a snuggler, I love it! After my BFN I got back in bed, and holding his little hand I had the awful thought, “what if this is all I get, what if I only get to be an aunt”, and that really broke me down. I know I can’t think like that, I know I can’t give up. But the honest truth is that not everyone gets their “happy ending”, and what if I’m one of those? I have a doctors appointment Tuesday, it was supposed to be a beta test, but since I didn’t get a positive HPT I’m sure my RE will just do an ultrasound like last time to see if the Clomid caused any cysts. If there are cysts it means we’ll be forced to take a month off.
I’m not sure what our next step will be. In so many ways I just need a break from it all, but then my mind roams and I think, “what if next cycle we get pregnant?” which makes me not want to take a break, so I don’t know.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, I’m not in a very good place right now. XOXO