So today I’m 2 DPIUI….and about this stage in my cycle every time R & I have a debate/argument/fight/discussion about when we’ll tell people about our pregnancy, should this IUI work. His immediate response is always, “we shouldn’t tell ANYONE until we’re past the 12 week point”….then I’ll say that I want to tell a small group of people right away and everyone else at 12 weeks, then he always follows it up with, “well just do whatever you want, I know you’re going to anyway”….which just infuriates me. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean when we find out we’re pregnant I plan to announce on Facebook or tell EVERYONE right away….I just have a small group of friends and my sister & SIL that I want to tell….and obviously my blog friends too! I think the bottom line is that men & women go about things very differently, in lots of different situations. Throughout our infertility journey I’ve had a small group of friends that I’ve confided in about EVERYTHING. And I’m so glad I have, their support and prayers have meant to much to me. I think had I been fighting this infertility journey “in the closet” it would have made it 10x harder. I process things by talking, and R processes things by NOT TALKING. I’m fairly certain he’s told NO ONE about our infertility journey. NO ONE. And I just don’t think it’s very healthy, but I’m not going to change him….he is who he is.
I’m just fairly certain that I CAN’T keep our pregnancy (when it happens) a secret from EVERYONE for the first 12 weeks. I have several friends, my sister, and SIL that know what we’ve been going through and will all be anxious to find out the result of this IUI like I am. I can’t leave them in the dark, and I don’t want to. I need their support. And should anything go wrong with our pregnancy I’d need their support on that end too. I couldn’t go through a miscarriage without my friends and family…..I just couldn’t.
We don’t plan on telling our parents until the 12 week mark though, and we’re both in agreement about that. I’d love to be able to call my dad the second we find out and let him know, because he knows we’ve been struggling…..but R has a VERY different relationship with his parents then I do and we want to tell both sets of parents at the same time. His mother is very gossipy, and I know that she would tell her parents, neighbors, friends, etc…even if we asked that she keep it private until we were ready, so we both agree that we won’t tell them right away, and it wouldn’t be fair to tell my parents either. R is of the idea (and I tend to agree) that somewhere down the road telling my parents before his would come back to bite us in the ass. SOMEHOW I guarantee at some holiday, birthday party, whatever my MIL would be talking to my Step-mom and it would come up as simply as, “oh we were just overjoyed when we found out on Mother’s day that they were expecting”…..and then R’s parents would think…..well we didn’t find out until July….and there would be some problems.
Have any of you faced problems like this with your husbands? How have you handled these types of situations. I think I may draft an email to him….I think when we talk in person I tend to forget my points, get too emotional, and don’t get my point across.