Anything is possible……I’ve read of women not getting positive HPT’s until 12-15dpiui….but I’m just trying to be realistic here. I don’t feel a bit different. All of my “symptoms” have gone away, which leads me to believe (just like the last 3) that my body has just adjusted to the progesterone suppositories. I’m leaving for a work trip in just a few hours, and I look forward to enjoying a few cocktails this weekend.
R & I had a really good talk last night. He, I’m sure like most men, rarely opens up to me about how he actually feels….but last night he let me in, which was really nice. I told him about my idea for a break, and he really liked it. He said if I wanted to push forward we could continue with treatment now, but he thinks we need a break too. Plus, we have such a busy summer scheduled it would be a nightmare trying to fit in treatment cycles around our mini-vacations. He said this has all been very hard emotionally on him too. I guess I always knew that, but for whatever reason actually hearing him say that just made me feel better, and more sad at the same time. You know that saying, “a woman becomes a mother when she is pregnant, but a man becomes a father when he holds his baby”…..I think it’s a little different in the infertility world. We’ve been going at it for 19 months now, which has given us extra time to “prepare” mentally, if that makes sense. I think we’re both just ready to be parents, and leave this infertility journey behind us. It’s just really tough because each time we’ve had an IUI I envision myself pregnant, I envision what our due date will be, I think about how we’ll design the nursery, I think about events we have coming up in the year and think about how pregnant I’ll be by certain dates…..and then when those cycles fail it’s like my dreams are just crushed.
I have a follow up appointment with my RE on Monday (15dpiui), and assuming I’m still not pregnant by then we’ve decided to take a break for the summer. I told R I want to take a REAL BREAK, no talking about baby names, no talking about treatment, no talking about nursery plans, no talking about anything baby related. I’m going to focus more on my body….I’ve really let the depression and infertility take its toll on me. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been right now, and I just feel awful physically. Pre-infertility I had already gained a good 20 lbs since I got married, and another 10-15 since we started TTC and fertility treatments, my wedding rings don’t even fit anymore….that’s how bad it’s gotten. I am going to work on losing weight over the next 3 months, I don’t have exact goals…..just want to make progress…and it may mean taking baby steps. Maybe I still have some bad lunches, but I eat a healthy dinner every night and work out 3-5 times/week. I’m going to start Insanity again starting Monday. It’s a really tough program, but it truly does work. I got through about 8 weeks of it 2 years ago and managed to lose 20 lbs….which was incredible.
I still plan on blogging, but probably not as much. And I will definitely be keeping up with my infertility sisters along their journeys. I look forward to a care free summer, and resuming treatment in September. We’re not sure how many more we plan to do….but we’re not done with IUI’s just yet.