Chemical pregnancy

positivehptOkay, so I have a lot to catch you guys up on. The last I blogged about was on Monday (15dpiui), I had my IUI #4 follow up (which was negative) I told my RE about our plans to take a break for the summer from fertility treatments. I stopped taking my progesterone suppositories (Saturday) and that was that. Well by Thursday I still hadn’t started my period, which was unusual because it always comes 2-3 days after I stop taking the progesterone. I decided to take a HPT that night, just an internet cheapie, and it was a faint positive.

I kind of freaked out, wondering what that meant at 18dpiui to be getting a faint positive. So I decided I would try and hold my urine for as long as possible that night and test again in the morning, I only lasted until about 4:00 am, lol. I took 3 more tests, Clear Blue digital, First Response Early Result, and another internet cheapie…..all positive, but still faint. I called my RE’s office that morning. They wanted me to come in for a HCG beta test that day. They said it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing to be getting a late positive. So that morning (19dpiui) I went in for blood work and my HCG was 42, progesterone 10.95….I was pregnant! But it seemed awful low for 19dpiui to me, based on everything I had read. I thought, well maybe I just had a late implanter?? That happens right?? I went about my day, all the while thinking I was pregnant….and I just got so excited. My husband was excited too, but he just seemed so skeptical. They wanted me to do a repeat beta today (48 hours later). HCG should double every 48 hours in pregnancy, well today my hcg was 24. I didn’t actually have an appointment today, because my doctor’s office is closed….so I didn’t actually talk with my doctor or a nurse….but I know what this means. I’m having a miscarriage, a chemical pregnancy. I’ll go in for more blood work on Tuesday, and my numbers should be even lower. It takes a while for the HCG to actually leave your system.

The fucked up thing is that I was “okay” with taking a break. I felt like it would be really good for us, I was going to lose some weight, we were going to have some fun this summer. Then Thursday my world was turned upside down. I was SO EXCITED to finally be pregnant, and despite everything I was reading about low beta’s at this stage in the game I was still very positive. Then after getting today’s results I’m just devastated.

I guess the positive from this situation is knowing that this protocol CAN work for us. So there you have it, I DID get pregnant from IUI #4, it just didn’t work out. Say a little prayer for us please, it has all happened so quickly and we haven’t even really had time to process it!

I think now, more than ever, we really need this break…so we’re going back to our original plan of breaking for the summer and resuming treatment in September.

88 thoughts on “Chemical pregnancy

  1. Oh honey…I’m so sorry. 😦 I guess it is good that the protocol does at least work; that’s one positive you can take away from this. It still sucks though, I know. 😦 Thinking of you. ❤

  2. Sorry doll. I know what you are going through. It’s frustrating and emotionally draining. A break is well deserved. Once you’re recharged the next cycle will be easier. Hugs

  3. This actually brought tears to my eyes and I can barely type this. I am so sorry. Just when you’ve accepted a break and were ready to move and focus on you, you’re now here worrying about HCG numbers and a miscarriage. Will the setbacks ever end? I’ll be thinking about you and sending you strength. Hugs.. Big hugs.

  4. I’m so sorry to hear this. I saw the picture and got so excited for you! Enjoy your break and your summer. Sending positive vibes your way!

  5. I am so very sorry, that is heartbreaking news! I, too, am taking a break, and the plan is to lose weight and get healthy too, and have some fun for a change. *hugs*

  6. I am so sorry! I wish there were words I can say to make you feel better, but since there isn’t, know that I’m sending prayers and big virtual hugs!!! Enjoy your summer break…you really deserve it!

  7. Wow that is crazy and really sad. 😦 I really wish it would have worked out this time. I guess like you said though, the one positive is that you can get pregnant again with iui. I hope you are able to really relax and get as healthy as possible on your break. I’m just so sad that this had to turn out this way though, 😦

  8. Really really painful, I’m so sorry sweetie. Just when you wrapped your head around a break and now miscarriage is looming. It totally breaks my heart. Thinking of you and sending hugs, you’re not alone xx

  9. Oh wow. You sound ok about it. I don’t want to make one of those “at least” statements, so I will just say I hope this is a sign of good things to come.

  10. Oh love, I am so incredibly sorry. I experienced a chemical too and it’s awful. That brief surge of hope before being crushed. This royally sucks. Please know I am thinking about you – xoxoxo

  11. I’m so sorry to hear this. IF is so unfair. I found out on Friday at my 8 week ultrasound that there was no more growth and no more heartbeat. Now I’m waiting it out. This isn’t suppose to be how all this goes. Such a shitty situation, for everyone going through anything like this. Take care of yourself.

    • Thank you! Oh no, I hate to hear that….how devastating. It’s just so unfair. Take care of yourself too hun. Thinking of you.

  12. I’m so sorry to hear this. How heartbreaking. I pray you have an enjoyable summer and the break is everything you need to start this crazy journey again.

  13. Oh! How unfair! Well done you for taking the positive from this; you can get pregnant and will do again. Maybe this was a sign not to give up hope when you do get back on the TTC train. Thoughts and hugs x

    • Thank you!! Yes, it is a positive thing….this pregnancy just didn’t last. It doesn’t make it easier, but it does give me hope for next time. Thanks so much.

  14. This just breaks my heart. I know you both had come to that tough decision to take a break just recently and to have that sudden hope and amazement only to be taken away…sweetheart, I am thinking of you! And your husband! Honey, take all the time you need and please take care of yourself the best you can!

  15. I am reading this with tears in my eyes… my heart is just breaking for you. Words are not enough to bring comfort and help. Please know that although you don’t know me, I am praying for you and your husband too. For comfort and for healing….much love and hugs.

  16. Oh girl I am so sorry! I know EXACTLY how you feel! After my first IVF I was pregnant but when I went back the second time my numbers had also dropped. I know the emotional roller coaster you are on. I know how even talking about the weather will put you into tears. I’m praying for you. xoxo

    “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me.” ~John 14:1

    • It’s all just so unfair, and the timing of it all was just so cruel. The roller coaster can be so hard sometimes. Of course I’m sad, and am mourning the loss of our baby….but it does give me hope that this protocol can work for us, and I hope that in September we’ll have a good chance at getting pregnant again. Thank you so much. That scripture is beautiful, thanks for sharing.

  17. I’m so, so sorry to read this. How terribly unfair a thing to happen, especially when you were in such a good place emotionally about the break. I think it’s good you’re still taking that break and can have some time to process the loss and all. ❤

  18. I am so amazed by your strength Jen! You can (and will) persevere through whatever shit storms this journey throws in your way. Enjoy the summer 🙂 (I’m glad to have my break buddie – as selfish as that may sound). 🙂

  19. I am so sorry for your loss:( I have had 2 chemical pregnancies and it’s just such an awful tease. Taking time to regroup and grieve your loss is the best thing you can do for yourself and then you can go into your next step with a renewed strength. Keeping fingers crossed for you:)

  20. I’m so very sorry and thinking of you. Try to keep your positive attitude, sometimes that is the only thing that keeps us sane!

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