Bleak

IMG_7885I had another beta this morning and it barely rose at all from Friday’s test. I don’t know if this means I will miscarry on my own or if it indicates ectopic, but I know it’s not good news. This is definitely not a viable pregnancy at this point. Hoping to have more definitive answers after tomorrow’s ultrasound.

It would be much better all around at this point if my body would just miscarry on it’s own. If it is ectopic I’ll have to have the methotrexate shot, a chemotherapy drug, which is very hard on your body. Also, if I have to have the shot it puts us on a mandatory 3 month break from TTC because the medication could have some serious effects on a baby should we get pregnant again within 3 months.

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92 thoughts on “Bleak

  1. So sorry. Your doctor is likely going to suggest the shot even if you betas go down. So be prepared for that. I am sorry that you have to go through this awful situation. Thinking of you and praying for you to have the strength you need.

      • I really don’t know. I know there are people that still experience a rupture even if betas go down. If they can’t confirm that it isn’t ectopic they are going to push the shot. Your life and your tubes are not something they are willing to risk. Again, I am sorry.

      • I certainly wasn’t ready to try again in the three months after. Losing a child is hard, and I am not sure that you ever really get over it. The only silver lining in the situation was that we had finally gotten pregnant which meant we should be able to do it again just with one less tube. I cried everyday for a month. I felt so robbed. I actually started my blog to deal with all the emotions that was having problems processing. The road ahead is rough. Make sure you get the support you need. Please let me know if you want to talk.

  2. I’m so very sorry. I’ll be thinking of you. This journey is just so difficult. Have you had any other symptoms that it could be ectopic besides your beta? I mean do you still have normal pregnancy symptoms?

  3. Praying for you. I had to have the methotrexate shot 1 year ago and I bawled after each shot. It was over. The shot didn’t work for me, but I was 7 weeks too. It’s been a year and take more HPT’s than anything because I’m TERRIFIED of having my other tube just randomly burst. The 3 month wait really was nothing though, because I was so scared to have the same thing happen to me, that I didn’t want him to even touch me anyhow. haha

    • You’re right. I definitely get the paranoia after having one bc I’ve read about how your chances of having another increase so much. Lol, I could also see you not wanting your husband to touch you for quite some time too!

  4. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I haven’t commented yet because it reminds me so much of my experience this past Feb. the methotrexate is hard on your body but if you can remove the pain associated with why you are taking it (which is impossible) the physical pain I experienced wasn’t that bad. I felt crampy for a couple of days and then I just felt like I had done a really hard ab workout for a few more days after that. Ugh, what a crappy situation. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Thinking if you.

    • I’m so sorry you’ve been through this before, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your comment, it does put my mind at ease that the physical pain won’t be too bad. Thanks for your thoughts & kind words. I really appreciate it.

  5. I’m so sorry your still going through this! My numbers were not even near 200 when I had the shot and the 3 months wait at the time seemed to drag but it actually went pretty fast. My dr performed a hsg during my laparoscopic surgery and unblocked one of my tubes so I guess that explained the ectopic but their is still always the worry of another. As for the methotrexate it was over within 15 minutes. Thinking of you and your husband through this tough time 🙏

      • To be honest I was just so tired but not because of the shot, I was firstly diagnosed with a miscarriage and given a d&c then kept in for the weekend with an infection so I think that played a part in the tiredness, I don’t rememebr any side effects apart from a skin problem, with living in Turkey the sun caused a reaction to my skin from the medicine. The methotrexate is given through an iv in your arm. You will definitely need some time from work for yourself! I know everyone is different but even if you had no side effects the emotional effects can wear you down so If you need the shot I would recommend taking as long as you need from work. Concentrate on yourself and making yourself better Hun!

  6. So, so, so sorry. I hope they are able to get better diagnostic studies tomorrow so that they can see what is happening. If they do see a sack in the uterus and there is no risk to your tubes, you do have choices. They should lay all of your options on the table. 1.) Let things happen naturally 2.) Take the drugs 3.) D & C. Now of course these choices are provided they can get good visualization tomorrow. When I had my miscarriage in May, I chose to let things happen naturally. I would give it a week and if nothing happened, I would take the drugs. Thankfully, things happened naturally. It was painful and I had to go through it twice because I was pregnant with twins, but I was able to get everything and send it for testing and that did shed a lot of light on “why.” I am praying for you and crying with you. (((hugs)))

    • I’m so sorry for the loss of your twins, going through it twice I can imagine only amplified things. Thank you, I just really hope they are able to see something on today’s ultrasound so we can make a better decision of how to proceed.

  7. Oh, I’m so very sorry. Piggybacking on what some others have said, I also have a feeling that unless they actually see something in the uterus tomorrow they will want you to do the methotrexate. Or, if it’s ectopic and they can actually see it in the tube, they may decide surgery is best. I was 7 weeks when they were able to confirm the ectopic but it was enough of a risk for rupture that they didn’t give me the option of the meds but took me to surgery literally within an hour. Now, if they see something in the uterus but are positive it’s not viable (God, I hate that word) then you may yet have the option of waiting to see if your body takes care of it naturally. I haven’t had methotrexate, but from everything I have learned as hard as it may be on your body, it’s still the lesser of the evils when compared to surgery. After my ectopic surgery I remember going in for my two week check afterward and asking why the pain was still so bad. My doctor said it’s to be expected and that that type of surgery is comparable in terms of pain/recovery to having a c section. It’s so awful to have to face any of these options, and my heart is continuing to break for you. Oh, and as for the waiting period…It’s pretty much needed anyway, both physically and psychologically. I actually felt ready to try again after a 2 month break but we stuck it out for 3. It really is for the best. With any type of pregnancy loss, if you don’t wait the requisite amount of time, you have a much higher risk of having another miscarriage/ectopic. The thought of the increased chance of having to go through that again was enough to help me be patient about trying again. Thinking of you.

    • I had a laparoscopy in January of this year, so I’m familiar with the surgery….although I realize removing the baby and possibly the tube will make it much more of a recovery process. I agree, the more I think of it I think the methotrexate might be my best option. Yes, I imagine you’re right about the waiting. At this point I just feel like I want to push through and get pregnant again, but not at the expense of having another miscarriage/ectopic like you said! Thank you!

      • I have had a laparascopy before, too. Way back in 2008 when I was just a year into this infertility thing. Man, that was a long time ago. Anyway, I was expecting the recovery for the ectopic surgery to be about the same, but it was way worse. Of course it was emotionally harder, but also physically far more painful. But no matter what happens in your case, ask lots of questions about pros and cons of whatever options they have for you before you decide on your course of action. And I’m still hoping they find something in the uterus so that you can avoid the ectopic thing altogether. I’m so very sorry.

  8. Thinking of you. Waiting. It looks already like I won’t miscarry on my own, but I hear it’s best if your body does miscarry naturally. I hope you don’t need the methotrexate… I hope I don’t need it either. I hate all of this. 😦

  9. I’ve got my fingers that you won’t need the methotrexate.. Last year my numbers dropped from 2659 to 313 over 4 days but not sure if it was gradual or sudden over that time, so they didn’t need to give it to me. The time I did get the shot my major symptoms were the mouth ulcers and upset stomach, with one night of terrible cramping.. The laying on the floor crying kind.. I am guessing that was the med doing its job. Everything about this sucks.. So sorry you have to deal with it.

  10. I am so sorry. I hope you find out more information tomorrow, and I hope that leaves you with options other than the shot. If you are able to let your body miscarry on your own, I don’t think it will be bad pain wise, since you are still fairly early. Sending you the goodest of thoughts. Miscarriage is awful, no matter what form it takes, and I hate you are going to have to go through it with this pregnancy. Hearing the words, “this is not a viable pregnancy” is like a punch in the gut. It flat out just isn’t fair that this is happening. No one should have to experience this.

  11. Aww, so sorry things aren’t working out the way they should be. Hope you get some for sure answers at your ultrasound, and that things will resolve in a way that’s easy on your body and won’t make you take a break for months. Thinking about you and sending virtual hugs

  12. I’m so very sorry. 😦 I am so sad for you. I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that you continue to be in my thoughts. ❤

  13. I was so sorry to read this and I hope that you’ve got an answer now. I was very lucky as my ectopic was so small, they allowed it to resolve naturally so there is hope that you may not have to have the shot. But I’m so sorry you’re even having to have this conversation in the first place – there really is nothing more heart-breaking than being told that your pregnancy is not viable. I wish that the next few weeks go by quickly. Thinking of you. XX

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