The beginning of the end

IMG_7872-1One week ago I was blissfully pregnant. I was pinning nursery ideas, thinking about weekly bumpdate pictures, purchasing belly butter, and fantasizing about what our baby would look like. I was just ecstatic that our infertility journey was over and I was finally pregnant!! Now I sit in the lobby of the emergency room waiting for my methotrexate shot to rid my body of this pregnancy.

At my appointment this morning they confirmed that my baby is in my left tube, not in the uterus. My options were to have surgery or take the methotrexate shot, I opted for the shot.

I’ll likely be at the hospital for the rest of the day. They have to run a panel of bloodwork to make sure my liver and kidneys function properly, then will administer the shot.

Ectopic pregnancies happen 1 in every 70 pregnancies, but once you’ve had one your chances in having another are 1 in 10, which is a terrifying statistic. If you didn’t know by now, I’m all about the numbers and statistics. I guess it’s just how my brain works.

So that’s all for now, in just a few short hours I’ll have the shot, then I’ll have bloodwork throughout the next few days/weeks to confirm my hcg is dropping until it goes to zero. The silver lining is that this protocol DOES work for us, it has twice now. I just pray when we start trying again it works a third time and will give us our take home baby.

Thank you for all of the positive thoughts and prayers over the past few days, and always…you guys mean so much to me. XOXO


75 thoughts on “The beginning of the end

  1. I’m so sorry that things have gone this way!! I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now, and I don’t really have any words of advice or anything like that. Just know that I’m thinking about you and hoping you will get through this day with all the love and support your deserve. My heart hurts for you, I wish there was something I could do for you. Sending virtual hugs and strength your way.

  2. I am so very sorry. I wish there was anything that could be said to make you feel at peace about this, but I know there isn’t. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with all those and that you love best during this time.

  3. More than anything I’d like to reach out and hug you right now. I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. Sending love and prayers. XO

  4. I’m so sorry! Please remember to take some time out for yourself and although it is such an awful time to go through, hopefully your numbers will be down quickly so this can be a quicker process for you. Take care of yourself and take plenty of rest. Sending prayers for you and your husband.

  5. We grieve with you and R. I’m sorry that your pregnancy took this path. We love you and will be praying for you every day while you heal from this loss.

  6. I think it’s reassuring to know they found the pregnancy. I was scared of what if they didn’t. You are such a beautiful soul Jen. Always remember that your Angel babies are with you through this.

  7. I am so, so sorry. I know this is of no comfort right now, but at least the waiting in limbo is over and you can begin to take the first steps toward healing now. i remember feeling the teeniest bit better just having a firm diagnosis and knowing what was going on. This just sucks so much. I’m so very, very sorry. I’m here for you.

  8. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that pain of an ectopic 😦 During the next three months give yourself time to grieve. For every pregnancy, no matter how short is still a life that you created. I’m thinking of you!

  9. I’m so so sorry. Words cannot express how heavy my heart is for you. I’ve been there and it sucks. I will keep sending up prayers for you. -Amber

  10. Sending so much love.. Your posts for some reason were not showing in my reader, so I came to check on you. I’m so, so sorry… I don’t even know what to say because nothing I could say would possibly take the pain away. I know that. Over the next few days if you need me or want to vent, please email me. I’m here for you. Hugs. Big hugs..

  11. I am so very sorry that this is the outcome. I’ve been thinking of you all day (this post did not show in my reader either so I came to check on you). I know there are no words to say right now but please know you’ll continue to be in my thoughts though this tough time.

  12. Hi there, I have been trading your posts over the last week, and really praying this day wouldn’t come. You don’t deserve this, and I am so sorry you have to go through this. Take the time to grieve the loss of your beautiful bubba and don’t forget you ARE a Mum! You may feel Incredibly lonely and that others don’t understand, but you will always have the support of the many women who walk this road with you. Reach out if you need too. Sending you healing thoughts and prayers. Xx

  13. I am so sorry that you are going thru this…..I truly wish I was closer, and able to be more of a shoulder to lean on……I just feel awful that I’m so far away…..You are always in my prayers, and I am always available to you…..even though I’m far away…..I love you……

  14. Oh sweets, I’m so sorry! This post didn’t show up in my newsfeed but today’s post did and I noticed it said “since I had the methotrexate shot” and I was like “whoa, when did this happen?!” And then I checked & saw this post. So many *hugs*! XOXO

  15. I don’t know how I missed this update, but I’m just seeing it now. I am so very sorry hon. I hope Sunday wasn’t too hard for you. Sending you light and love and strength during this healing time.

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