After months and months of shelling out thousands of dollars, spending countless hours with our RE, undergoing numerous treatments, losing two babies — only to be right back where we started — how do you know when it’s time to give up?
Last night, while lying in bed getting ready to go to sleep my husband told me he wants to stop trying.
I always feared this day may come, because he was hesitant to try IUI in the first place. He felt like from the beginning that if it didn’t happen naturally maybe it just wasn’t meant to be….but then he came around. Last night he said, “it’s been two years of trying, we’ve had two miscarriages, and I just think it’s time we need to move on. We can’t keep living like this.” I asked him if that meant he wanted to move onto adoption, and he said he wasn’t sure about that either. He said he would be perfectly happy living child free (which he’s said in the past too).
Living child free is just not an option for me. I want to be a mother…..notice I said “I want to be a mother”, not “I want to be pregnant”. I’ve always dreamed of having a little baby that looked like us, maybe that had my smile and my husband’s beautiful curly hair….but more than anything I just want to be a mother, by any means possible.
Infertility can take over your life, and I definitely think it has for us.
I don’t think our marriage will survive if he doesn’t change his mind or compromise in some fashion, because this is a deal breaker for me. It just breaks my heart that things are happening the way they are. It’s just terrible to think that if we had been the 7 out of 8 people that don’t face infertility (instead of the 1 in 8 that do) that we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.
We’re going out of town this weekend to visit my family, and I think on the car ride home Sunday we’re going to have to have a serious talk.
Maybe he just needs some time, but maybe he’s just at his breaking point and can’t go any further.
I’m really scared.