Things have been really rough these past few weeks.
My HCG levels are still dropping and I’m down to only once a week blood draws….so that’s good! This past Monday my HCG was 73, my next test is this coming Monday. They told me I’ll have to keep doing blood draws until my levels are 0.5 or lower.
R & I have been really struggling lately. The D word was thrown around a few times last week (by him, not me).
As of a few weeks ago he said he doesn’t want kids anymore (biological/adopted/anything). I think he has been battling with some serious depression. He started on some new medication a few weeks ago and is starting to be more like himself this week…..so thankful for that. I’m not sure why he said he doesn’t want kids and threw around the D word last week. I’m not sure if he really doesn’t want kids, feels like this whole thing is his fault, is scared we’ll have another miscarriage, is scared something worse may happen if we try again….I’m honestly not sure. He’s been very closed off since the ectopic, very disconnected. I think a lot of it stemmed from depression…..so I’m hoping he’ll start feeling better (and acting better) in the upcoming weeks/months….we’ll see.
We’ve decided to stay together and try to work things out, which in turn means putting the kid thing on the back burner for a while.
So now I’m just trying to focus on myself and our marriage. I’ve been crafting a lot lately (minky baby blanket tutorial coming soon), been focusing more on my diet, and walking more days than not.
I really hope R comes around to the idea of TTC again. I just feel like we were SO CLOSE. Honestly though, I’m totally open to adoption too. I don’t need to be pregnant, but I do need to be a mother. Also, I don’t even “need” a newborn, I would be perfectly happy adopting a child under the age of 5 that really needed a happy/healthy home….either way I know that I need to be a mother.
Our infertility costs have really skyrocketed lately…..with the ectopic and all of the blood draws and appointments. It’s just so difficult paying for this miscarriage (in more ways than one). It just sucks so much. I think we’ve decided to switch insurances again in 2015, looks like my company’s insurance will be a better well-rounded policy for us….and quite a bit cheaper too.
Wow, sorry that was such a long winded update….but it’s been a while and there was a lot to update you on.
I hope you all are doing well. I’ve seen several BFP’s lately, which is incredible. You are all in my thoughts & prayers.
Thank you for your continued support and love….you guys are the best!!
Please continue to pray for us. ❤️