These last six days have been pure hell. I learned that there is something far worse than just a failed cycle. It is far worse to get a positive pregnancy test, positive beta HCG test, get excited, then have it all ripped away from you in the blink of an eye. It just feels like a cruel joke. The roller coaster of emotions is not fun, and I just want to get off the ride.

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Chemical pregnancy

positivehptOkay, so I have a lot to catch you guys up on. The last I blogged about was on Monday (15dpiui), I had my IUI #4 follow up (which was negative) I told my RE about our plans to take a break for the summer from fertility treatments. I stopped taking my progesterone suppositories (Saturday) and that was that. Well by Thursday I still hadn’t started my period, which was unusual because it always comes 2-3 days after I stop taking the progesterone. I decided to take a HPT that night, just an internet cheapie, and it was a faint positive.

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Taking a break

blog-3I had my IUI #4 follow up appointment with my RE today, and it was very productive. I told him about our plans to take the summer off, and he said that sounded like a great plan. He agreed that sometimes you just need a mental break, and it may be just what we need. Continue reading

11dpiui, bfn

Anything is possible……I’ve read of women not getting positive HPT’s until 12-15dpiui….but I’m just trying to be realistic here. I don’t feel a bit different. All of my “symptoms” have gone away, which leads me to believe (just like the last 3) that my body has just adjusted to the progesterone suppositories. I’m leaving for a work trip in just a few hours, and I look forward to enjoying a few cocktails this weekend.

R & I had a really good talk last night. He, I’m sure like most men, rarely opens up to me about how he actually feels….but last night he let me in, which was really nice. Continue reading

The dreaded 2ww

The 2ww is just plain exhausting. The irony is not lost on me, waiting should not be exhausting….but in this instance it totally is. I decided to test this morning (WAY TOO EARLY, I KNOW!!!) because I hoped maybe I was THAT GIRL that got a BFP at only 8dpiui….well I’m not, at least not this time. For whatever reason (honestly, nothing to do with my BFN this morning) I just feel out this cycle….and that made me very sad. And then I started wondering if being so sad was a pregnancy symptom….see how crazy I am right now?!?! Continue reading


I’d like to think I’m experiencing implantation cramping right now (even though it’s probably too early for that). It’s not too bad, but it’s steady cramping/throbbing/pulsing on my right side, which is where my 2 beautiful follicles were. Continue reading

IUI #4

IUI #4I’m currently laying at a declined position “basting”…..just had my IUI a few minutes ago. Things couldn’t have gone any better. I had a little discomfort when the doctor cleaned off my cervix and inserted the catheter, but nothing out of the ordinary. I was really nervous about washing the sperm myself at home, but I guess it was fine. Continue reading

CD13 Follicle Check

This morning I had another ultrasound to check on my follicles. The two on the right are now 23’s, and just like he suspected none on the left are big enough….but he said I should be very happy with the 2 on my right. They’re a perfect size, perfectly round, and my uterine lining looks perfect. So we’re all set to go for IUI #4 on Sunday at noon…..which means I’ll do my trigger shot tonight at midnight… more hMG injections. We’re going out with some friends tonight, and I’ll likely have my girlfriend just give it to me in the bathroom. I hope wherever we go there is a private bathroom….or maybe I’ll just have R stand outside and “guard the door” until we’re done….lol, the things we have to go through to make a baby. Continue reading

Maybe it’s just me…

…but these shots don’t get any easier. I KNOW they don’t hurt, it’s just the mental hurdle of giving myself a shot! Jeez!!!!!!!!!??!!???! Continue reading

CD11 Follicle Check

I had an ultrasound this morning (CD11) to take a look at how my follicle(s) were coming along. They wanted me in after just 4 days of my hMG injections, because they were unsure of how my body would react since this is my first time with the injectables. Continue reading