Day of Hope

august19Today, August 19th, is a Day of Hope. It has been an international event held internationally since 2008. It was created to help break the silence surrounding the death of babies and children. It is a day that brings healing to our community as we unite together to speak openly about the babies and children who are no longer here. Continue reading

Here we go

It’s almost like AF heard me talking about her yesterday because she showed up with a vengeance this morning! I woke up early this morning to pee, and had the most full feeling in my lower abdomen. After I peed I still felt so much pressure, and realized AF was here. I took some Advil after breakfast, and that has helped with the cramps a lot. It does make it really easy for keeping up with my CD’s though since I started on August 1st.

I went in to see my RE this morning. My clearing ultrasound went great, no issues whatsoever. He was pleased to see my lining back to “normal” after my chemical pregnancy in May. Continue reading

Any day now

Today is CD33, so any day now AF should be arriving…which will kick off the start of IUI #5. I’m ready to get started, I just wish AF would hurry up!!!

Infertility is such a crazy thing. I’m embarrassed to say this, but silly ol’ me took a cheapie pregnancy test yesterday b/c AF still hadn’t come….

Continue reading

Medical bills….what a crock of shit

All three of my beta hcg blood tests (from May) have now been submitted to my insurance, and 2 of them have already been paid. I just wanted to share what a crock of shit it all is though. The 5/23 one is from my doctor’s office, they drew my blood there then sent it to the lab for results….and it’s more than DOUBLE what it cost me to go directly to go to the lab. WHY ON EARTH would they charge $540 for a blood test? Continue reading

Nearing the end of our break

ttc-trying-to-conceive-hope-fertility-infertility-e1330223506119We started trying for our first baby in October of 2012, by July of 2013 I was antsy as hell and NEEDED answers RIGHT AWAY about our (in)fertility, because I was starting to think something was wrong with me/him/us. By August of 2013 we had our diagnosis of male factor infertility, and in November of 2013 we started doing IUI’s. Well, four IUI’s and a chemical pregnancy later we decided we just needed a break from it all…so that’s just what we did.

If you had told me this time last year that by now I would need a “break” from TTC, I would have said you were crazy and that I would never take a break until I had my baby, but that’s exactly what we decided to do after our miscarriage in May. Continue reading

How am I?

I’m actually doing pretty good.

After finding out about our chemical pregnancy I was pretty devastated (we both were). I had allowed myself to get excited and be happy for a few days then before I knew it everything had ended, but I’m doing much better now. I’m also starting to feel much better now that my anti-depressants are starting to do their job, and I don’t feel a bit guilty about taking a Xanax at night sometimes if I feel I need one. Continue reading


These last six days have been pure hell. I learned that there is something far worse than just a failed cycle. It is far worse to get a positive pregnancy test, positive beta HCG test, get excited, then have it all ripped away from you in the blink of an eye. It just feels like a cruel joke. The roller coaster of emotions is not fun, and I just want to get off the ride.

Continue reading

Chemical pregnancy

positivehptOkay, so I have a lot to catch you guys up on. The last I blogged about was on Monday (15dpiui), I had my IUI #4 follow up (which was negative) I told my RE about our plans to take a break for the summer from fertility treatments. I stopped taking my progesterone suppositories (Saturday) and that was that. Well by Thursday I still hadn’t started my period, which was unusual because it always comes 2-3 days after I stop taking the progesterone. I decided to take a HPT that night, just an internet cheapie, and it was a faint positive.

Continue reading